I don’t want to be invited to the family hunting party.”

–Sen. Barack Obama, on revelations that he and Dick Cheney are eighth cousins.

“My job is a decision-making job. And as a result, I make a lot of decisions.”

–The Decider, George W. Bush

“The phony soldiers.”

–Rush Limbaugh, on U.S. service members who support withdrawal from Iraq

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?:

“I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because, um, some people out there in our nation don’t have maps and, uh, I believe that our, uh, education like such as, uh, South Africa and, uh, the Iraq and everywhere like such as, and I believe that they should, uh, our education over here in the U.S. should help the U.S., uh, should help South Africa and should help Iraq and the Asian countries, so we will be able to build up our future.”

–Miss South Carolina Teen Lauren Caitlin Upton, after being asked why 1/5th of 1/5th of Americans can’t locate the U.S on a world map.

…And the second “Are you kidding me…They really said that?”:

“As you know, my position is clear — I’m the Commander Guy.”

–George W. Bush, the president formerly known as “The Decider” (Watch video clip)

“A year ago, my approval rating was in the 30s, my nominee for the Supreme Court had just withdrawn, and my Vice President had shot someone. Ahhh, those were the good old days.”

–President Bush at the Radio-TV Correspondents’ dinner (Watch video)

…and again thanks here:

http://politicalhumor.about.com/library/blquotes.htm

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Here’s some more profound stuff from you leaders….

“I’m not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president,”

– Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents.

“That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I’m just the one to do it,”

– A congressional candidate in Texas.

“I don’t feel we did wrong in taking this great country away from them. There were great numbers of people who needed new land, and the Indians were selfishly trying to keep it for themselves.”

– John Wayne

“I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix.”

– Dan Quayle

“We’ve got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?”

— Lee Iacocca

“We don’t necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people.”

– Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.

“Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances.”

— Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina

Are you kidding me?:
“If we let the loggers go in and cut down all the trees we wouldn’t have a problem with forest fires.”

– George Bush

This time thanks to these guys: http://millionidiots.tribe.net/thread/e8ffe5e5-0e77-4bcf-ae9a-61974a9e4b72

“It is wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago”
- Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice-President

“Yes, maam? Right here, this lady. No, she! Yes, right, second row. Next to the guy in the blue shirt, holding her left hand up. It’s a he? Sorry about that. Gotta be careful. I’m very sorry. Go ahead! I’m, excuse me, I’m very sorry. Go, ah, I, a thousand apologies, go ahead.”
- George Bush Sr., Former U.S. President, at a press conference

“It is white.”
- George W. Bush, when asked what the White house was like by a student in East London

“I didn’t realize I was in a Buddhist temple.”
- Al Gore, former U.S. Vice President when asked about his illegal fundraising activities that took place in a Buddhist temple.

“People that are really very weird can get into sensitive positions and have a tremendous impact on history.”
- Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice President

“It isn’t pollution that is hurting the environment, it’s the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.”
- Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice-President

“A billion here, a billion there, sooner or later it adds up to real money.”
- Everett Dirksen, Congressman

“How can a guy this politically immature seriously expect to be president?”
- Franklin D. Roosevelt, Jr., assessing John F. Kennedy’s chances in the 1960 U.S. election

Love This one:

“Give Bill a second term, and Al Gore and I will be turned loose to do what we really want to do.”
- Hillary Clinton, former first lady, at a Democratic fundraiser

“Whoever designed the streets must have been drunk… I think it was those Irish guys.”
- Jesse Ventura, Minnesota governor

This is one of my personal favorites…

“I don’t think that Saddam Hussein is deliberately starving his own people. I would think that a man who gets 99 percent of the people to vote for him in an election and the people love him so much, how would they love a man that is starving them?”
- Louis Farrakhan, Leader of The Nation of Islam

“We are not without accomplishment. We have managed to distribute poverty equally.”
- Nguyen Co Thatch, Vietnamese foreign minister

Wow…I’m physically exhausted. More to come….

…and thanks to these guys: http://www.amusingfacts.com/stupid/

“When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President. Now I’m beginning to believe it.”

Clarence Darrow

 

I’ve done it…you heard it hear first. That’s right sports fans it’s the ultimate way to keep the idiots in check…keep that jackass off the road, and keeping people who suck at life from procreating.

Introducing the “Function in Society Card” – FISC

It’s very simple actually. Everyone in America gets a card they hang around their neck. For every event in society that you wish to participate in – you have to take that class. Once you take that class – and execute a series of practical exercises – you have the right to undertake that event in society…If you want have children, for example, you take the “How my kids should act in public” class, and you are certified to have kids…Some classes do, however require prerequisites…

Example: If you want to go to a restaurant – you first have to take the “I’m able to conduct myself in a civilized manner in public” class.

If you want to say – work in customer service – you have to take the “I know how to talk to people and not be a condescending jackass” class.

you get the idea…

Once you have all your little classes and practical exercises punched on your little card – you become what’s called a “Master Of Society” (at which point you’re authorized to shoot people in the back of the head for violations of the Function In Society Card.)

Let’s take it to congress and weed out all the idiots…

mpg

read more | digg story

I’ve done it…you heard it hear first. That’s right sports fans it’s the ultimate way to keep the idiots in check…keep that jackass off the road, and keeping people who suck at life from procreating.

Introducing the “Function in Society Card” – FISC

It’s very simple actually. Everyone in America gets a card they hang around their neck. For every event in society that you wish to participate in – you have to take that class. Once you take that class – and execute a series of practical exercises – you have the right to undertake that event in society…If you want have children, for example, you take the “How my kids should act in public” class, and you are certified to have kids…Some classes do, however require prerequisites…

Example: If you want to go to a restaurant – you first have to take the “I’m able to conduct myself in a civilized manner in public” class.

If you want to say – work in customer service – you have to take the “I know how to talk to people and not be a condescending jackass” class.

you get the idea…

Once you have all your little classes and practical exercises punched on your little card – you become what’s called a “Master Of Society” (at which point you’re authorized to shoot people in the back of the head for violations of the Function In Society Card.)

Let’s take it to congress and weed out all the idiots…

mpg